Rewind - Fiction

I look around and about. The clutter simply tires me. The whining of my two sons, only two years apart, is still ringing in my ears. It is so difficult being a military wife. I need him here with me badly. Our help has just left because of personal reasons and it has been a week since I have been bringing my kids to work. He is away for six months and we have lost touch for the very reason that some areas have no cell sites. This is one of the moments when I want to curse the service. Blame them for all my misadventures, and also blame myself for falling in love with and marrying a soldier.

Everything was unplanned. He went about the usual ‘finding-out’ tactic and we ended up conversing until wee hours of morning. Then came the hops, the visits to the Academy and the military wedding. Life was wonderful until the Army sent my husband in the middle of crossfire somewhere South.

As I sigh and view my life in retrospect, I suddenly wished for a different life. If only there’d be a rewind button that I can press once, I’d be more than elated to touch it now and go back to the time when I haven’t met this cadet and that I’d rather have chosen the son of a business tycoon over him. As I lie beside my two sleeping brats, I had an aching for yesterday. As I slowly drifted to solemn rest, I murmured, ‘Please give me back the past five years of my life.’

I awoke with a faint sound of a bell and I thought that maybe another fire truck might be rushing to an area near the military base where I reside. I slowly opened my eyes and wondered why the color of the walls had faded. Suddenly, I jolted out of my bed. I am not in a military base and this scent that is lingering smelled more of coffee brewing at the infamous coffee shop of my condominium building way back then, just a few floors away from my own unit. I wouldn’t dare rub my eyes for fear of waking up that’s why I just jumped up and down. Then, déjà vu occurred.

I knowingly maneuvered to where my calendar was, YEAR 2003, five years back. Could this be true? Has fate indeed given me five years of my life back? I leafed through the pages of my calendar…Even 2004 was still in small boxes indicating that it is still a coming year. I smiled to myself. I wanted to shout out loud. Am I going berserk? This time, I rubbed my eyes until they went red and pinched myself until a bruise appeared on my upper left arm, but none of the view changed. I’m still there in the YEAR 2003.

I decided to take a quick bath before going through the things I want to correct. As the glorious heated water touched my skin, I suddenly remembered my wish just a few hours ago, “Please give me back the past five years of my life.” This was it. Perhaps God had heard my pleas and maybe it is true that we all have a rewind button. I don’t know what the significance of this day was but whatever that is, I just know I’m going to make everything right.

As I was toweling myself dry, I heard a familiar ring tone which I used to have back then. I realized, ‘hey! This was then!’ I checked my drawer, because that was where I usually kept my cellular phone and voila! I found it sitting right there. Somebody was calling…my husband was calling…Wait! He is not yet my husband! I was amused at the thought of going through the courtship thing again and I was smiling as his name spelled Cdt Eric Gabriel PMA instead of hubby, my term of endearment to him.

I answered unwittingly, “hello!”

“Hi Aya.” I stopped and wanted to ask him why he didn’t call me honey but then I paused and realized I still was not his honey.

“Hey Eric, what’s up?” Although I really wanted to say, ‘I miss you so much hubby.’

“You weren’t replying to any of my text messages since yesterday. I just wanted to apologize for what I said the other day.”

I paused and scanned my memory bank to figure out what he was talking about, but I couldn’t quite remember.

“Aaaah…Yun? Ano nga ba yun?” hoping this jovial remark would set a good mood.

He simply laughed and said, “Ikaw talaga. You always laugh at me whenever I talk about my feelings.”

So that was it. I now remember. Two days ago before this call, he had boldly said he has fallen for me but I was so drunk and I told him not to talk to me. I was not really mad. I was afraid he might feel I was falling and that even the most sober of me couldn’t hide the inevitable. I also remembered that this conversation would lead to something else.

“Uhmmm…Aya…Can I ask a favor from you?”

My reply to this before was a sweet, “Oo naman! Ikaw pa?” But this second time would be really different. “Basta kaya ko, okay lang. What’s that?”

“Kasi next week…yung nasabi ko sa ‘yo.”

‘The hop…’ I thought to myself. The hop that started my trips to Baguio. The hop that put more meaning to Baguio than just brooms, strawberries and peanut brittle.

“The hop thingie?” I hesitantly asked. “Yes, what about it?”

My mind and his voice spoke at the same time, “I want to take you there and be my partner.”

A shrill ran up my spine…just like what I felt back then. But instead of a breathless “Yes!” I said, “I’ll get back to you Eric. I’ll just check my schedule.”

In the past five years, I had forgotten that the date of that hop had been the same day that Hank Cu was supposed to take me to Antipolo for the ground breaking ceremony of the subdivision they own.

I sighed and picked up my cell phone. “Ay, Eric. My classmate invited me. Ground breaking of their subdivision. Big time, huh?” I crossed my fingers as I said that.

“Aaaahh..Hank?”

“Yes.”

“Ok. Aya…But I would have really loved it if you can spend that hop with me.”

“Hmmm…I’ll just compromise. Your semestral break is coming, right? I owe you a dinner date.”

“Ok. Sige na. We still have duties to attend to. I can’t wait for that break…and Aya…”

“Uh-huh?”

“I really meant what I said the other day.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Baboosh!”

“Bye.”

And we hung up. I can’t believe that even if five years has gone, I still feel the same for Eric. Then a text message came through. “I am still hoping you’ll change your mind.”

I let out a happy sigh. He is the Eric I know…not giving up on a single sight of defeat. That was why I always knew the Army was for him.

The Antipolo trip was really very nice. So that was how belonging to the elites was. Hank took me to a wonderful dinner and it was really very romantic. He was so handsome and he smelled of really expensive after shave. It was impossible not to like him. He was the perfect gentleman…rich…smart.

I don’t know how it happened but everything went by so fast with Hank and me. All of a sudden we were exclusively dating. He showered me with gifts, trips and other vanity stuff. He treated me like a princess which might have possibly been the reason why I forgot my promised dinner to Eric, until he showed up at my door step.

“Surprise!”

I was stunned. Standing before me was the person I married in the past and something in me wanted to hug him and kiss him. The gladness in his eyes vanished as I held his hand in mine…the reason why he saw my engagement ring.

“Aya…” I knew him so well that I felt tears brimming at the corner of his eyes. “So, when’s the big day? Ang daya! Am I gonna be invited?” He half-joked to hide his trembling voice.

“December.”

“Ha? Your graduation isn’t until after a year. What are you going to do with your course?”

“I’m going to stop. Anyway, Hank said I could always go back any time.”

“What gives?”

“We’re just so damn in love we can’t wait to start forever.” I said looking at him straight in the eye.

“I really wish you luck…” his voice finally cracked and he hugged me tight then.

The next thing I knew I was sitting in front of the television, watching Eric’s graduation while munching on a fuji apple dipped in salt and vinegar. It didn’t take long before Hank and I was able to conceive a baby and now I’m barely at the end of my first trimester.

“Eric Rafael Gabriel, Borongan, Samar. Magna Cum Laude.”

My jaw dropped. He didn’t make it that far when we were together. Sure he still bagged the Humanities Plaque and graduated Cum Laude, but now he is being awarded Magna Cum Laude and the Army Saber for being the Army’s top graduate. Unrestrained tears fell from my eyes. Had I been a hindrance for him to pursue his dreams? I surely hope not.

Time quickly passed by and the life I had hoped to be filled with roses was not a bit like it. During my 7th month of pregnancy, Hank was not coming home. I thought all the while he was enrolled in a night college because he said he wanted to continue and fulfill his degree which he had to temporarily stop because of our wedding. I ultimately found out he was having an affair and when I started questioning him, he began beating me. This was one of the reasons why I prematurely gave birth to our daughter who developed infantile diabetes and congenital heart defect.

After two years, Hank did not want anything to do with me. With their money, he went through annulment, knowing I had no means to contest it.

I am alone and broken, with nothing to give to my Dana.

I look up and around my small and ill-ventilated in this popular Alabang gilid. Dana’s piercing cries of pain and discomfort brought me a state of nostalgia.

I should never have wished back my life and should have never taken a different turn. But my rewind button is already removed from my options. There’s no more turning back.

I miss my two boys. I miss Eric and how he was the genuine husband material even if he was always away on duties. I wished for a better life not knowing I was having the best as a military wife.