Stars lit up the night sky and he was holding me so close as if to kiss me. I was waiting for a proposal. I was waiting for him to say what I had been feeling ever since I found him, or he found me. He then distanced himself from me, held my hands and asked of me:
“Can we be good friends forever?”
I gulped what seemed like a large chunk of air and held back the tears that were forming at the corner of my eyes. I forced a smile and tried to calm down my cracking voice, trying to hide the brimming sob as I managed to say, “I had been praying you’d ask me that.”
Then he embraced me and gave me a peck on the nose.
I will never forget how badly my heart was broken that night. With all hopes vanishing and each dream I had built in my own private world coming to a blur. I believe I had to bring him out of my system somehow.
I tried so hard not to return nor answer his phone calls. Whenever I knew he was calling and I wouldn’t answer the phone, I was crying my heart out because I wanted so badly to hear his voice. It’s an irony as many have previously claimed that the only person who can stop you from crying is exactly the same person who made you cry.
He was just another person who walked into my otherwise complicated life. He came, as others also have, right when I was hopelessly looking. He stood out because he was the kind of person whom you’d like to talk to for hours on end even though both of us didn’t have the luxury of time. There was so much to discover about him that when we do get the chance to meet, a whole afternoon would be considered time well-spent.
My angels know exactly how much I prayed for him. As our friendship grew, my feelings went dangerously deeper. I had always asked God to take him away if he won’t be feeling the same. Yet he stayed with me and helped me bear my joys and pains. But thinking about it now, it might have just seemed that way.
After that painful night, I disappeared without saying goodbye. I still prayed for him every night with the words, ‘I hope our friendship will never end.’
I was in and out of relationships, each time the broken pieces of my heart lose some if its bits, with me not knowing where to pick them up. So many times I had been tempted to call him and tell him that he had been my last hope yet he couldn’t love me the way I loved him. I wanted to tell him of the hate I felt when a friend told me that my two wonderful sons from a previous relationship was his reason why he couldn’t be involved with me any further. I wanted so much to carry a lifetime grudge but I couldn’t. He has done so much for me to do that.
After what seemed like a lifetime, and just when I thought I already got over him, I let him in in my life once again. This time however, I had told myself that this would be one of the best friendships ever.
We got back to what we used to do, to what we used to have. Heart to heart talks, hands together, leaning on shoulders, tight hugs, goodbye kisses, half-meant jokes, sweet compliments, mixed signals, uncertain feelings, unsaid emotions…just good friends.
This time, it did not hurt anymore. But one night was about to change what I was feeling. We were scheduled to have of our dinner dates and on my way to our usual meeting place, my heart was hammering away with an unexpected gladness and anticipation. And after that special night, everything else was history.
Now here we are right now, underneath the same starlit sky. I am now happy, no more pain in my heart yet I noticed tears in his eyes. He told me how wrong he was to ask me to be his good friend forever when all he wanted to ask me was if I could be his. He told me of the pain he bore all the times I was not talking to him. He then asked me why I had to leave just when he had made up his mind to tell me nothing but the truth about his feelings. I saw him break down, only I was not there to comfort him as I used to because I am just now a passing soul.
I was rushing that night because I felt that that was completely different dinner. Amid the clamor in my heart and mind, I failed to see a vehicle coming straight at me. I did not make it to our dinner, much more, I did not make it to hear him say these words he is saying tonight.
As the winds quietly convince me to move on, I place a cold kiss on his lips and touched him as gently as I can and hopelessly wish he hears me whispering:
“Now we can be good friends forever.”
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